Men Who Haven’t Matured Emotionally Usually Display These 10 Behaviors Without Realizing It, Psychologists Sa
Many of us might believe that maturity just happens naturally as we get older, but that isn’t always the case. In fact, there are those who grow out of their teen years into adulthood and never quite reach the same maturity level as others their age have. Both genders can be prone to a lack of emotional maturity, but if you’re in a relationship with a man, it can make your interactions more difficult on a daily basis.
Dr. Tirrell De Gannes, licensed clinical psychologist and Regional Clinical Coordinator at Thriving Center of Psychology, defines emotional maturity as a person’s ability to recognize, identify and express emotions with the added benefit of knowing when to react versus respond to other’s emotions.
Christine DeVore, Psy.D, also offers her definition of emotional maturity saying that it’s about understanding and accepting our emotions without letting them control us while also being able to understand and empathize with the feelings of others.
“It’s understanding that life is full of uncertainties and discomforts but being able to face them with resilience,” she says.
Again, behaviors that point to emotional immaturity aren’t exclusive to men, and this lack of maturity can be caused by trauma, poor relationships, parental examples, neglect or feelings of betrayal, as Dr. De Gannes says.
Dr. DeVore elaborates, saying, “If caregivers didn’t model healthy emotional expression and conflict resolution, someone may not have learned how to process or regulate their own emotions. Childhood neglect can also leave someone feeling emotionally unsupported and insecure.”
Additionally, she says that unprocessed pain like heartbreak can create emotional barriers and result in not maturing emotionally.
“For men, gender stereotypes also play a big factor in remaining emotionally immature,” Dr. DeVore points out. “The expectation of men to be ‘strong’ and not show emotions can discourage emotional expression and growth.”
Related: People Who Grew Up With Emotionally Immature Parents Often Have These 12 Traits as Adults, According to Psychologists
Why Is Emotional Maturity Important in a Relationship?
Emotional maturity is quite paramount in a relationship. As Dr. De Gannes puts it, emotional maturity is the mechanism that allows for depth.
“With enough emotional maturity, you will develop trust and vulnerability, and gain an understanding and deeper appreciation for your partner,” he adds.
Dr. DeVore also says that emotional maturity is important to be able to express thoughts and feelings in a healthy way and to manage conflicts without reacting impulsively or shutting down.
“Emotional maturity helps us truly listen and validate each other while also being able to set and respect boundaries,” she says.
Men Who Haven’t Matured Emotionally Usually Display These 10 Behaviors Without Realizing It
1. Preoccupied With Being Cheated On
Dr. De Gannes says that someone who is frequently concerned with being cheated on may be emotionally immature.
“Overgeneralizing others and considering any action as an opportunity for their partner to cheat is a sign they have not emotionally recovered from past issues with others,” he says.
2. Deflects and Puts Blame Onto Others
Emotionally immature men, or anyone for that matter, may deflect and place blame on others instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. “This might come from fear of vulnerability or lack of self-awareness,” Dr. DeVore says.
3. Raises His Voice To Get a Point Across
An emotionally immature partner may raise their voice to get a point across in a disagreement.
“People who are not used to having emotional conversations with logic justify their point using the volume of their voice,” Dr. De Gannes says. “In their minds, the loudest is the most correct. Some also believe that investing noise in the argument is investing love in the relationship.”
4. Has Difficulty With Taking Criticism
Dr. DeVore says that in general, those without emotional maturity can have difficulty taking criticism and might get angry or defensive when dealing with feedback, even if it’s constructive.
“They might lash out, shut down or dismiss the feedback entirely,” she says. “This could be because emotionally immature men often tie their self-worth to being ‘right,’ so criticism feels like a personal attack.”
5. Justifies Poor Behavior by Using Past Events and Perceived Slights
Does your partner use past events and perceived slights to justify their current poor behavior? Then they may be emotionally immature.
“Someone who cannot let go of the past or is holding on to real or imagined slights of the past is not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship, romantic or otherwise,” Dr. De Gannes says.
Related: 7 Mistakes That Emotionally Immature People Often Make, According to Psychologists
6. Has a Tough Time With Emotional Conversations
“Emotionally immature men might have a difficult time engaging in conversations around emotions,” Dr. DeVore says. “They might withdraw, get silent or avoid the subject altogether in order to avoid discomfort. Men who do this often lack the tools to process or express their emotions.”
7. Triggered by Perceived Emotional Distance
If someone who is emotionally immature perceives that there might be some emotional distance going on with their partner, they may become “emotionally triggered,” as Dr. De Gannes says. This can include physical distance.
“Going on a trip without your partner should be allowed and celebrated,” he explains. “A desire for constant contact or checking in only means there is an insecurity that has not yet been overcome.”
8. Acts on Emotions Without Thinking
Dr. DeVore says that people who aren’t emotionally mature might act on emotions without thinking about the consequences, otherwise known as making impulsive decisions.
“This behavior usually comes from lack of self-regulation, making it difficult to pause and respond thoughtfully,” she explains.
9. Leaves Confrontations Before Reaching a Resolution
Perhaps your partner tends to leave confrontations before there’s a resolution, and has no intention to continue the conversation at a later time. This can be a sign of emotional immaturity.
Dr. De Gannes says, “A lack of comfort in confrontation means they’d rather avoid all confrontation instead of admitting they were wrong. Even when someone is right in a disagreement, the stress of confrontation dissuades the person from reintroducing the topic.”
10. Seeks Constant Validation
According to Dr. DeVore, emotionally immature individuals may seek constant validation from others and rely heavily on the approval of others or become upset if they don’t receive praise. “This could be due to low self-esteem and an underdeveloped sense of self,” she says.
Related: 7 Signs You Were Raised by an Emotionally Immature Father, According to a Psychologist
How Do You Handle Someone Who Isn’t Emotionally Mature?
Even though it can be frustrating to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t emotionally mature, remember that you love them and their lack of emotional maturity may be due to unfortunate events in their past that were out of their control. That’s why it’s essential to have patience with them, as Dr. De Gannes says.
He goes on to say, “It’s hard to develop emotional maturity, but once you do, the benefits can be like a large ripple effect, benefiting everyone in your life,” and this can be helped along through your patience.
Dr. DeVore says that if the emotional immaturity is just too much to bear, it may be time to assess the relationship. She lists these questions to ask yourself: Is the relationship healthy and fulfilling for you? Are your needs being met? Do you feel respected, valued and supported?
“It’s important to reflect on whether the relationship is worth remaining invested in,” she says. “If you decide it is, set clear boundaries to protect your own emotional wellbeing. Communicate openly and honestly by using ‘I’ statements and avoiding placing blame.”
You can also gently encourage your partner to reflect on their behavior, but Dr. DeVore warns against taking on a “therapist role” or trying to “fix” them.
“While it’s normal and natural to care about someone and want to help them, you can’t change them,” she asserts.
In conclusion, Dr. DeVore says that it’s undoubtedly draining to deal with an emotionally immature individual. She advises, “Know when to walk away and take time to care for yourself. Your needs matter just as much.”
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