Woman Says Her Husband Is ‘Upset’ Because She Agreed He ‘Looked Fat’ — but She Doesn’t Think She Did Anything Wrong

NEED TO KNOW

• A woman says her husband is “upset” that she agreed he “looked fat”

• The woman, however, doesn’t think she did anything wrong and said she doesn’t believe she should “lie” to someone to “spare their feelings

• She shared her story on a community forum, where the majority of commenters said they thought the woman should have handled the situation with more tact

A woman says her husband is “upset” at her for agreeing he “looked fat” — but she doesn’t think she did anything wrong.

The woman shared her story in the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, a place where people can go to seek advice about interpersonal dilemmas. In her post, the woman said she was recently chatting with her husband and “he remarked that he looked fat.”

“I didn’t say anything in response,” she continued, “At which point he said, ‘You’re not denying it then?’ So I responded with, ‘Well, you are fat.’ “

She added, “For context, he’s a size 4XL with a BMI over 40. So what was I supposed to say?”

Recounting the conversation, the original poster (OP) said her husband became upset and told her that she didn’t have to agree so “readily” — but she stood by her comment.

“We both have eyes,” she said. ”He must know he is fat, so why would I say he doesn’t look fat when he is?”

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“I would never be deliberately unkind, but I don’t see why I should have to lie and say someone doesn’t look fat when they quite clearly are, just to spare their feelings,” she concluded.

The majority of commenters said that they thought the OP could have been kinder in her response to her husband, regardless of his size.

“I think I might have been a little more tactful,” one person wrote. “You could have said something like, ‘It doesn’t matter to me what you weigh, but I want you to be happy with yourself and healthy.’ Those things are true (I hope), and also less hurtful.”

“Your lack of tact was the issue, I think. Honesty and kindness aren’t mutually exclusive,” someone else chimed in.

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“I think in that situation […] you could have said, ‘I think you are lovely.’ It’s giving [him] the confidence boost he was clearly after while not commenting on his weight,” another reader wrote.

“Everybody wants to think that their partner finds them attractive, presumably you do if you are with him. It is pretty blunt just to say you are fat and leave it at that,” the same person added.

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